The Blogging Helps

The blogging keeps me from really losing it. If Max reads this he will probably think I am psycho, I'm not, I am just in love. You do really crazy things when you love someone as deeply as I love him. I need to pour my heart out to someone and I don't want to obligate Max...blogging is it. It's available anytime I need to spill my guts. I should have told him, I wasn't pushing him out of my life. I just needed time and he said I won't wait forever...well that has come to fruition. I just had this romantic hope, he would feel the same way I did. Go figure, he is on the completely opposite spectrum doesn't even want to keep a gift from me. He might as well have stabbed me in the heart. I'm sure I have said things in past that made him feel the same way. I really never understood the importance of choosing your words carefully. I have said so many things without thinking all the way through how Max might view my words. My words have even come back to haunt me...and I'm not good at expressing myself. So I used words that didn't really capture exactly what I meant but the essence or spirit. I would take back so many things...if I could turn back the hands of time. When the sadness leaves then comes anger. I wonder when the anger will come.