April 08, 2008 Understanding Him

I am in such pain. But I understand. I understand I probably jumbled him up on the inside this weekend. That wasn't my intent, I just wanted to see my other half. Why should I risk my heart for you? Why should I risk being out of control of my emotions? What makes this time different? How do I know I'm not your fall back guy? How do I know you want me because you truly love me not because I am familiar and safe? How do I know you aren't trying to make me be what I am not? Why can't you make up your mind? How dare you come now when my life is already chaotic and my heart is at peace? I can't allow myself to go back to that dark place? How do I know you aren't just settling for what you think is available? How do I know you aren't trying to rush into marriage? Why do you want me know when you didn't before? If only you could read my heart Max. You would know the answers to these questions.