April 16 - In Miami

I am sitting at Gloria Stefan's restaurant Larios a bongo cafe on the beach. It's one of my favorite spots on south beach. Flight ride to Miami. Last night and this morning , my mind started playing tricks on me. After my last conversations with Max, I have started to wonder maybe I imagined the magic. I have had to think about our most initimate moments to remind myself we were real. How we felt for each other was real. Now, I understand why Max used to make certain comments. During this phase, you start to wonder if things were one sided...maybe you were the only feeling a certain way. I still want to know how he moved on so quickly. Does this indicate that his thoughts of marriage were fleeting or a knee jerk reaction, maybe he had strong doubts all along. Fleeting and knee jerk don't sound like Max but It has always taken me years to get over someone I really loved. My first adult love, I would have married years later, if he had asked. Max is probably just a stronger individual than me.